The importance of friendships
Image of 4 friends looking ahead them towards the setting sun arms behind each others backs
Wednesday 30th July is International Friendship Day – and has given me opportunity to reflect on the amazing people in my life.
Friendships have always been some of the most important and supportive factors as I journey through life. As a child, I think I struggled with forming relationships with others. Having one much older sister who had moved out of the family home, I often thought of myself as an only child. I was very independent, was happy to play for hours in my own land of make believe, and could keep myself entertained. When it came to playing with others, I was often bossy and controlling, what I understand now as a form of anxiety. Even as a young child, I sensed I was missing out on something that other people had, but struggled to work out how to get it.
By the end of primary school, I felt I had worked it out – friendships around that time are always a bit of a challenge as puberty starts to kick in and there is a general social hierarchy to adhere to, but I had a best friend and a small group I felt a part of. I came to realise how enhancing it can be to open your world up to another person, to learn from them, experiment and explore with them. To be curious about the world and explore that curiosity with another person, be able to get insights or experiences in their world and their family life. My best friend at that time was an only child, in reflection I think that was why we connected so well, respecting our independence and boundaries but able to let another in to enhance the experience. Although I lost touch with this friend as our lives went in different directions, I was lucky enough to reconnect with her over 20 years later and we spoke about the things that had stayed with us from that time. The common theme was connection, we both felt enhanced in each others company and welcomed into family life – I think in many ways we played the part of the siblings we felt we were missing out on.
Friendships in my teenage years were incredibly formative. In my current role as a school therapist, I am often reminded of how significant friendships are at this time to working out who you are, what kind of person you want to be as you journey into adulthood. This is exactly what happened for me – I went through some particularly difficult and challenging times during my mid to late teens, and without the people around me, I think it would have been a lot harder to make it through. Also at this time, in the early days of the internet, I had a small group of online friends, who I was able to share some of the more difficult aspects with. There was a safe distance, they didn’t know everyone in my life and the person that I had been, but they were also real people, I spoke to them on the phone, we met up occasionally.
Skip forward to my adult life – the friends I have now are some of the most important people in my life. They have been there during some of the toughest moments and I have travelled rough roads alongside them too. They enhance me, they give me strength, we laugh, we cry, we comfort each other, we challenge each other, and most importantly, we support each other. Recovery from all sorts of adversity and trauma can be helped by a supportive friendship network, by people who understand you, who enhance you rather than draining you, that together as a collective, you are a stronger power and you don’t just have to manage alone.
Youth Trauma Allies offers training, signposting and resources to schools, parents, and friends to those who have experience trauma, as well as reflective practice spaces for school staff, families, peers and community groups to strengthen their well-being. We are informed by the young people we want to support, and want to break down the barriers that are in place to stop our young people being part of their local community and feeling valued.
If you want to find out more about how we can help you create mentally healthy and supportive communities around our young people, don’t hesitate to get in touch.
